A new found independence is always at first scary, but so invigorating once harnessed. Which is why I began with the line from Wicked‘s Defying Gravity to begin with the entry. At this point in the show, Elphaba Thropp (The Wicked Witch of the West) defies the Wizard and all conventions and follows her heart and convictions (and just happens to do so with a catchy tune, complete with flashy effects and women belting as high as safely possible, complete with riffs, growls, yells, and other devices). The whole moment, for all one minute and thirty seconds of it, leaves many who have seen it for the first time wowed, crying, or shaking. And I have to believe that Elphaba would have been shaking as well, because her new independence from the social norm has just left her leaving her best friend and everything she knew behind for what she believes in. Talk about taking a first step.
Where I am now is something that I guess I had in me all along, but never liked to admit. According to my parents, I’d always been a different child and evidence of this is my apparent penchant to stack pots and pans on top of each other from largest to smallest, and reading at an extremely early age, apparently comprehending alphabet in any order by 19-24 months. Not at all a normal child, and I’m now not afraid to admit it because really, the bit of abnormal in all of us is what makes us great. Any of the people reading out there who have suppressed the differences in you to conform and are currently happy, think about it. Is it worth almost pretending and changing to whatever extent you may have done so? Is it worth the possibility of that bubble bursting and finding yourself changed, and not knowing who you are and who this other person is? You might find that happiness may come from just a couple of great friends and a couple of movies on a rainy day.
Having gotten out of a funk now, I’m starting to do all of the things that make me who I am all over again. I’ve resumed writing, which is always a good sign that I’m in a good mood, and I’ve been comfortable spending time alone and giving myself the time that I deserve. That was a prospect that, for the last two years, scared me because there were these voices in my head that convinced me that because I wasn’t spending time with other people, I was a terrible person. Well, those were banished this weekend. And, quite frankly, so has my caring of what people think of me because other people’s judgement and eyes were making me live like someone who I hadn’t met before. It’s a great place to finally reach, because it’s finally a sign that there’s an adult here.
And, just because it’s appropriate to end this the way it began: “as someone told me lately, everyone deserves a chance to fly.”