Well, it’s been a few months since my last blog, but so much has changed. What had transpired in the summer has now been glazed over; we all were adults, moved on, and resumed being the people we have been. And I’m okay with that. I’m okay with it because of just how wonderful this quarter has turned out to be.
I’m not used to feeling at ease, calm, and in control, but that’s what happened. I had no idea what to expect going into this year, and originally, I had made a pact with myself that I would not be social, and that everything I’d do would be strictly for furthering my academic career and experience. No one could hurt me if I didn’t let anyone in. But almost instantly, that was thrown out of the window, all thanks to the Ohio University Marching 110. The Marching 110 was an experience that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into, but on that first day of Training Week, I could feel it was going to be something special. And it has been. The same feeling came when I got back to SMO. Something about these two organizations will take you and throw you into more positions where you will find out what you are truly made of, and in the safety of an entire marching band or choir of friends that will help you right back on your feet, whether they know it or not.
To go back to the calm and security, I had never imagined I’d feel this much control. It’s as if having told myself I get to start over, essentially, was the thing I needed most of all. Being with an entirely new group of friends allows you to explore who you truly are, and at your core what you want them to think of you as a person. And so I chose this time to reset, try new things to work on me, and to finally start to not be so bound by the judgement or perceived judgement of my personality. To “not give a damn” is perhaps the best feeling in human existence, and I wish everyone to feel this. It’s not that you don’t care, but you realize that all that is controllable is those personal choices.
It’s that realization that led me to do things I normally wouldn’t have done. I pursued Opera/Musical Theatre Scenes this fall quarter, and what started as hoping to get an ensemble part led to singing Lily’s Eyes and Candide in “Make Our Garden Grow”, and it’s the growing comfort with aspects of myself that I can’t change, like my singing voice, and embracing that it is different from a lot of people’s, but that’s what makes singing such a unique experience. And maybe I would have done it at another point in my life, but this just seemed so ready to happen…so necessary, even, that I can’t imagine it coming at another point in my life. This quarter was the start of a renaissance, at least it seems that way to me. Something changed, and now the kicker is to see if it continues throughout the rest of the year.
This rather lengthy entry is going to be concluded with a message to all of my friends. Thank you all so much for putting up with me, stupid sayings, Wicked-Phantom love, completely unstereotypical, crazy self for so long. I feel that I owe a lot of what I’ve accomplished from your interactions with me, and your willingness to be open and real people. There’s a trust that I have with you all now that I haven’t had with anyone before, and I truly enjoy it. Here’s to a fine quarter, everyone, and hopes that the Lord will deliver more fantastic moments to all of us.